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A Resurrected Marriage Story 2: Suspicions

A Resurrected Marriage Story Day 2: Suspicions

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4:18, ESV)

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? (Psalm 56:3-4, ESV)

It was never, ever going to be me. I know I said that yesterday, but I really believed it. And that was true for almost 25 years. But then it became my story—a chapter I had no interest in weaving into the story of my life’s journey. Like an unwelcome guest, doubts and fear crept into my marriage with one simple location check on my phone. In one moment of time, my security was shattered with a lie.

Maybe you share this story with me in some way, and if that is true, then you have a unique and intimate understanding of the impact of one uncovered lie and how damaging it is. While headed home from work, my husband had said traffic had him tied up, yet his location showed he was in a parking lot behind our home. It’s honestly hard to describe unless you’ve been there, but when you are faced with the reality of distrust with your spouse, it’s a life-changer. What is true, and what is false? You no longer know, and that is a hard position to find yourself in.

The details are not important to share in depth. What is important is the need to be transparent in our relationships. Trust is built over time, but only one lie crumbles years of carefully constructed security. Discoveries of untruths make a marriage very vulnerable to ruin. If you are in a relationship, the importance of being completely honest can’t be overstated. Honesty is part of the foundation for a secure and strong relationship; this is not always easy, but it is always for the best. 

Suspicions turned my world upside down. They generated a need inside of me to seek the truth and protect our kids.  They also produced a desire to protect my husband from Satan and from himself. This is a highly stressful situation, and one that forever changes a person. I felt protective of my entire family, wishing to spare them from scrutiny and from the damage that would surely come from the path my husband was traveling. Hearts would be broken. Trust would be shattered. Lives would be changed. Nothing would ever be exactly the same. I felt fear and uncertainty that I may not have what it would take to pull through this spiritual fire. 

May I tell you, friends, that Jesus will walk you through situations you cannot pull through on your own? I know this as truth because He did it for me. Alone, I am not strong. Alone, I am unable to walk through this kind of fire without defeat. Alone, I could not face the truth that my husband was having an affair. It would’ve been too big for me, but thank You, Lord, for never leaving me alone and for carrying me through.

If I could be there for each woman in that moment of discovery, I would wrap my arms around them and promise them that somehow, some way, they will be okay if they have Christ. It won’t seem possible in the moment you are hit with something of this magnitude, but each and every day God will meet your current need. He doesn’t necessarily do it in big leaps and bounds, but He is faithfully there, pulling for you and pulling you through. 

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  1. Kurt Petterson

    It is so sad that so many marriages have been shattered. Thanks Ruth for being so open about what you had to go through. God certainly did bring you through this. Amen. Love you.

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