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Fighting Hard and Fighting Fair Day 4- Commitment Starts in Your Mind

“Let the marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” (Hebrews 13:4, ESV)

I don’t believe anyone sets out one day and decides, Hey, I think I’ll have an affair today. Commitment begins in our minds, and our thoughts are where we must first exercise self-discipline. What I mean by that is that we must pre-determine in our minds to stay pure and committed to each other.

Lust can be an issue for our minds. A need for affirmation from the opposite sex can be an issue for our minds. Jealousy can be an issue for our minds. A warped view of what a “perfect” marriage looks like can be an issue for our minds. A friend of the opposite sex who hears us and seems to understand us better than our spouse can be an issue for our minds. So before these get the upper hand on our minds, let’s remind ourselves what commitment is:

There are two definitions from Oxford Dictionary:
1: The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.
2: An engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.

In other words, commitment means we stay in the fight, even when it’s most difficult to do so, even when temptation meets us head on—especially then! It means we do not consider thoughts that don’t support our marriage. It means we look the other way when we find ourselves attracted physically to someone else. It means we do not allow any space for a deep one-on-one relationship with someone of the opposite sex, where we share any thoughts regarding our marriage or partner. It means we understand that every marriage has its challenges, even while some may make claims that theirs is “perfect.” It means we refuse to allow ourselves to feel jealous of the relationships of others, and pour that energy into making our own better, starting with changing myself!

Our mind is such a powerful part of who we are. When we allow low-quality and harmful thought patterns to develop, we can be sure our actions will eventually follow. This is why it’s so important to set guidelines for our thought patterns. If we want to fight fair, we need to make sure our minds stay in a place of sexual purity in which we honor our spouse and give them the best part of ourselves. While we might be able to continue in our marriage even with harmful thought patterns, why would we want to? Why not remove areas that don’t honor our spouse and are dishonoring to the Lord?

Before you move on with your day, consider any areas in which you’ve allowed harmful thought patterns in your mind. Or if you haven’t, remind yourself of the commitment you’ve made and decide how you plan to keep your mind healthy and always honor your marriage. Fighting fair means we preserve our minds and live in a way that’s fair to our spouse. Let’s make certain we’re doing our part in this!

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