Looking for That Special Someone Day 1: The Longing to Marry
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:18, 24, ESV)
When I was a young teen, I remember wishing I could get a quick glimpse of my life 10 years into the future. Surely I would be married by then—and who would this “lucky” lady be? I would have seen, comically, that I not only wouldn’t have been married at 23 or 24, I wouldn’t even have had my first date. But deeply engrained in my psyche was the desire and expectation that, one day, I would be married. It doesn’t always work out that way; it looks like that may have been the case with the Apostle Paul. But most of the time, that’s exactly what happens: boy meets girl, they fall in love, they get married, et cetera. If you find yourself wishing you were already married or hoping you will one day get married, there’s a good reason for it: God created the marriage union. We’ll see tomorrow the reasons why marriage is good—and that’s the biggie!
Unfortunately, the overwhelming desire and longing to be married can lead to many mistakes. For Adam, the Lord made “a helper fit for him.” The Lord didn’t just make a random woman; He made Eve, and she was made as a fit for Adam. Even with the Fall that came shortly thereafter, she was still the woman made for him, and Adam was told to “hold fast” to her. He was not to let her go! In the week ahead, we’ll think about what that fit means. For now, though, think about how many disastrous relationships/marriages came about because there was no real thought put into this question, “Are we the right lifelong fit?” Are we two pieces of a puzzle that fit together? Marriage isn’t something to be rushed into just because you want to be a husband or a wife. If you rush into it and marry the wrong person, that can create a host of problems. Add kids to the mix, and it gets worse.
And trust me, I totally get it. I sat by and watched friends get married while I grew older. When you’re almost 25 years old and never even been on a date, the mind starts to go down certain paths. Will I ever find that special someone? Will I be single for life? Am I willing to be okay with that? How will I structure my life if I’m never to get married? I was definitely at the age where I was thinking about those sorts of things. But even as I asked those questions, I really didn’t want to be single. I tried to say I would be okay, and even sort of got to the point of acceptance back in October 2000. I figured I would stop focusing all my energy looking for “her;” if I found “her,” then it would have to be God who would make it happen. I wasn’t going to force anything. And so, as I (a guy from Statesville, NC) stood in the parking lot of a church in Detroit, talking with a girl from Cleveland, I was finally “just talking to a girl.” I wasn’t trying to be someone I was not with the hopes of winning her over. We started writing each other in November, had our first phone call in December, saw each other again in January 2001 at a Bible conference, and went out on our first date on January 19 in Cleveland (almost 20 years ago to the day of this post). My first date ever! We got married 2 ½ years later and have never looked back.
While I longed to be married, I’m so grateful I waited those years to allow the Lord to bring along a helper fit for me. As I’ve said before, I always prayed to the Lord for a wife that was the perfect match; I just never dreamed He would bring me her! The wait was well worth it, even though it seemed like such a struggle at the time. If you are longing, struggling, and waiting, as hard as it might be, don’t make the wrong choice. It isn’t worth it.