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Looking for That Special Someone 3: Looking for Mrs. Right

Looking for That Special Someone Day 3: Looking for Mrs. Right

The one who has found a good wife has found what goodness is, and obtained a delightful gift from the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22, NET) 

As noted earlier this week, getting married to the wrong person is a recipe for disaster. The numbers prove that mistakes are too often made, as nearly half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce or separation. What does it take, then, to avoid being a part of that woeful statistic? Today, we’re going to think about looking for Mrs. Right. Tomorrow, it’ll be Mr. Right. Don’t expect me to get into hair color, eye color, and other micro-level observations! The intention is that these characteristics can be broadly applied. Though not in order of importance, I’m going to look at this as follows: the physical, practical, and spiritual considerations.

The first consideration—the physical. I’m not saying it’s the most important thing, but it absolutely is important. I remember growing up and hearing guys say something like, “The first thing I notice about a girl is how spiritual she is.” I’m going to be plain—I believe that to be total nonsense. It takes a while to understand and appreciate something as deep as the spiritual heart of a person. But generally you know right away if you’re attracted to her physically. If you’re looking for Mrs. Right, you really need to be attracted to her. The physical aspects of a marriage relationship cannot be glossed over and cast aside. Read through Song of Solomon and see just how much of the book is spent on Solomon’s describing the physical characteristics of his soon-to-be bride! Of course, you might want to modernize it if you want to write poetry to a woman (cheeks like pomegranate halves and teeth like a flock of shorn sheep might get lost in translation). Men, make sure the woman you intend to marry is physically attractive to you. I can’t tell you exactly what that means for you, only what it means for me. And yeah, I think my wife is a complete knock-out.

The second consideration—the practical. This comes down to the notion of compatibility. This requires some time together because it involves thinking and talking about a lot of specifics. Is this a woman you can see spending the rest of your life with? It goes beyond toothpaste caps, toilet seats, and minor pet peeves. It generally helps if you don’t have idiosyncrasies that drive the other person bonkers, of course, but let’s think beyond that. Do you want to have kids? If you do, when do you think you want to start? How many kids do you want to have? What is your take on disciplining children? Should both parents work if you have young children? These are, of course, not first date kind of questions! This comes after the more surface-level questions. What kind of music does she like? (If she says country, run [I’m joking—sort of].) Is she a picky eater? All these kinds of bits and pieces are important in revealing whether you’re going to get along. Better to find out early on that a person has no plans to have children if your dream is to have eight kids!

The third consideration—the spiritual. I’m listing this last because it likely takes the longest to truly uncover. Someone can play a part for a certain amount of time, but eventually the true nature of the spiritual character will be revealed. And while physical attractiveness and overall compatibility will vary widely, this section is something that shouldn’t. Your spiritual convictions should align. If they don’t, it’s going to pose a problem down the road—maybe not immediately, but eventually. While it may not end in divorce court, it could lead to spiritual compromise. Spiritually speaking, never change for the worse in order to win a woman’s heart. You need to be on the same page with biblical doctrine, spiritual goals, and so on. Pursue someone who is also pursuing God. 

Hopefully, with these considerations, a man can find what Solomon calls “a good wife.” And when he does, he’ll find out what goodness really is. I remember thinking I had a pretty good life. And then I met Cindy. Over the past 20 years, I’ve truly discovered day after day what goodness is. Solomon really nailed it, because I can’t describe her so well in so few words: “a delightful gift from the LORD”!   

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