Looking for That Special Someone Day 4: Looking for Mr. Right
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. (Ephesians 5:25, 28-29, ESV)
I’ve never looked for Mr. Right. In the not-too-distant future, I’ll likely be measuring up guys to see if they fit what I think is Mr. Right for my daughters (come quickly, Lord). That being said, some insight from a man on this subject could be valuable. Just as women can sense when other women are up to no good, men can often do that with other men. I could go with the same outline as yesterday, but that would be lazy and repetitive. So let’s try a different look.
In looking for Mr. Right, I think the passages in Ephesians 5 make it clear that the man must have the ability to love you. That can take you down many paths, but Paul notes in verse 29 that as a husband will “nourish and cherish” his own body, this is how he should treat his wife. By doing that, he’ll model what Christ does for His people. Nourish denotes provision; cherish denotes care. Look for a man who will provide for you—and I’m not talking about money. He will provide for your emotional, spiritual, physical, and practical needs as they may arise. Paul says the man would already do it for himself, but he should provide beyond himself; he must provide in every way possible for his wife. And look for a man who will truly care for you. In some instances, you’ll be able to see what kind of a husband he’ll be by looking at his relationship with his mother, aunts, sisters, and so on. How does he speak to them? Does he respect them, or does he belittle them? If you find yourself cringing at how he treats important women in his life, don’t be surprised to see him turn out to be a poor husband. Is he cocky, arrogant, and showy? It might play well at some parties, but that doesn’t translate to a good husband.
Second, look for a man who has the ability to lead. Don’t blame me, folks, read the Bible! Hollywood TV shows and movies are filled with bumbling, idiotic husbands with wives that lead the way. Biblically, the husband is to be the leader of the home. Look at 1 Corinthians 11:9, where Paul states the woman was created for the man. Later in the chapter, he says the man is the head of the woman. It might not be too popular in 2022, but the man is biblically designated as the leader of the home. I don’t know about you, but I’ll always value the truth of Scripture over the turning tides of societal norms. So, do you think he’ll be a good decision-maker? Do you think he’ll challenge you if needed? Is he an effective communicator? Is he empathetic? Is he a thankful person? These are all characteristics of a good leader in general, and this carries over into relationships. If he cannot be a good leader, or is self-centered, it opens up a myriad of problems.
Finally, look for a man who is willing to sacrifice. It’s the example laid out in Ephesians 5. Christ “gave Himself” for the Church, and that’s the model behavior of a husband. Of course, Jesus laid down His life for our salvation. That’s not necessarily what a husband will be called to do for his wife, but he should be willing to. I don’t know many good husbands that wouldn’t, in fact. But there are other areas of sacrifice to look for. Is he more of a giver or more of a taker? Is he consistently helpful to others—friends, neighbors, family, and even strangers? For many (most) men, a woman entering his life upsets all sorts of balances. He might not be able to buy anything he wants, go anywhere he wants, and do anything he wants anymore. He must sacrifice time, money, and other resources. It can be a real wake-up call he might not be willing to answer!
The things mentioned yesterday certainly apply, too. You must be compatible; you need to find him attractive; you need to be spiritually aligned. And yes, I know that none of this is easy to figure out. It takes time, patience, prayer, and consideration. But if, in the end, you find yourself married to a man who loves, leads, and sacrifices for you, will it not have been worth it?